It’s me or you…. Sex (Virginia on Ice)

The following post comes from a reader.  It highlights how often when we are working on self improvement “romantic” relationship and subsequently sex are put on the back burner.  This reader spoke with a Sex therapist about the struggle of  abstinence working on some personal changes.  I appreciate the reader for allowing me to share their experiences. 
Check the post out and leave your comments. 

Last night I almost did it. Yep, exactly what you think “it” is only nastier. Hot, steamy, ass smacking, lip locking, cheese omelet in the morning making fun.

Well not exactly. You see I have been on a quest for self growth and personal growth. During this trek I have had little to no sex and no sex for me equals a busy mind and a cramped hand. Blah, blah, blah…
So back to last night, boy I was ready. Phone in hand, text typed and ready to send. I was prepared to invite him over to a meeting. All he needed to bring was his thinking cap. I would joyfully provide the rest. Playlist ready. Fresh sheets. And little ole me freshly cleaned feeling light and limber. Ready for tons of dictation. So I sat eager and nervous all at the same time. My body told me I needed this. Hell my friends even said, I need some good dick and a nap. And here comes good old logic creeping in to remind me why I haven’t done it. DAMN
I have a Sistar De who is a sex therapist AskASexTherapist@gmail.com. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-A-Sex-Therapist/444222249020042
So I used her expertise help with my problem. Here is our correspondence. Please email her if you have any questions. She is amazing.
      Me to AskASexTherapist:

I think I broke my Virginia. I was once a very active woman and now I'm not. It had been months since i had had any kind of penetration. But I do masturbate quite frequently. I recently had intercourse and I was unable to climax. I would be close and thennnnn....Nothing! No matter how much rubbing, touching and or additional stimuli I couldn't. Could it be a mental issue or is it just me?

Sincerely,

No happy endings for Virginia

AskASexTherapist to Me:

First of all, thanks for submitting your question. I'll give a short answer on YouTube but wanted to respond to you in written form as well.

The vagina is very resilient, so no worries, you didn't break it. Because you're able to orgasm with self-stimulation, that shows there are no problems with physical function. Have you ever been able to climax through penetration? Or was it always a combination of external clitoral stimulation and penetration?

Also, having an orgasm with a partner can, at times, require a lot of trust. Sometimes we can be in our heads so much that we forget to enjoy the sensations we're experiencing. If we're focusing so much on climaxing, it becomes an obstacle for our bodies and minds.

If you'd like more info or would like to discuss it further, just let me know!

Me to AskASexTherapist:

Thanks for answering. Yes, I have able to climax through penetration only. I think it may have been the guy and my mind. I have found that since treat people and my body differently my reactions to things have changed. I know casual sex is not what I want to i feel that by having it I couldn't climax because my mind wouldn't make the connection. But it could have just been him.

Thanks again,

AskASexTherapist to Me:

And there it is.

You've been doing a lot of work to give yourself your best and when you experience something that doesn't measure up to your new standards, it's not fulfilling. True, he could've been a bad lay, but you've also been filling your mind, body, and spirit with the best you can provide. On some level, it could be that your body and spirit have a taste for something other than what was offered

SO I sat horny as a teenage boy with this information. As bad as I want to I won’t have sex. Unless there is a true connection, a mental and physical connection I’m good.. Any man can play with your body but I want mind sex. The kind that makes you want to nurture that person. Find his likes and dislikes and help further his dreams. The type of loving that can do more with just words than the hands ever could. I’m not say in giving up on the physical. Hell NOO! I love it, it is need but until I can have both my Virginia will be on ice.