It’s me or you…. Sex (Virginia on Ice)

The following post comes from a reader.  It highlights how often when we are working on self improvement “romantic” relationship and subsequently sex are put on the back burner.  This reader spoke with a Sex therapist about the struggle of  abstinence working on some personal changes.  I appreciate the reader for allowing me to share their experiences. 
Check the post out and leave your comments. 

Last night I almost did it. Yep, exactly what you think “it” is only nastier. Hot, steamy, ass smacking, lip locking, cheese omelet in the morning making fun.

Well not exactly. You see I have been on a quest for self growth and personal growth. During this trek I have had little to no sex and no sex for me equals a busy mind and a cramped hand. Blah, blah, blah…
So back to last night, boy I was ready. Phone in hand, text typed and ready to send. I was prepared to invite him over to a meeting. All he needed to bring was his thinking cap. I would joyfully provide the rest. Playlist ready. Fresh sheets. And little ole me freshly cleaned feeling light and limber. Ready for tons of dictation. So I sat eager and nervous all at the same time. My body told me I needed this. Hell my friends even said, I need some good dick and a nap. And here comes good old logic creeping in to remind me why I haven’t done it. DAMN
I have a Sistar De who is a sex therapist AskASexTherapist@gmail.com. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ask-A-Sex-Therapist/444222249020042
So I used her expertise help with my problem. Here is our correspondence. Please email her if you have any questions. She is amazing.
      Me to AskASexTherapist:

I think I broke my Virginia. I was once a very active woman and now I'm not. It had been months since i had had any kind of penetration. But I do masturbate quite frequently. I recently had intercourse and I was unable to climax. I would be close and thennnnn....Nothing! No matter how much rubbing, touching and or additional stimuli I couldn't. Could it be a mental issue or is it just me?

Sincerely,

No happy endings for Virginia

AskASexTherapist to Me:

First of all, thanks for submitting your question. I'll give a short answer on YouTube but wanted to respond to you in written form as well.

The vagina is very resilient, so no worries, you didn't break it. Because you're able to orgasm with self-stimulation, that shows there are no problems with physical function. Have you ever been able to climax through penetration? Or was it always a combination of external clitoral stimulation and penetration?

Also, having an orgasm with a partner can, at times, require a lot of trust. Sometimes we can be in our heads so much that we forget to enjoy the sensations we're experiencing. If we're focusing so much on climaxing, it becomes an obstacle for our bodies and minds.

If you'd like more info or would like to discuss it further, just let me know!

Me to AskASexTherapist:

Thanks for answering. Yes, I have able to climax through penetration only. I think it may have been the guy and my mind. I have found that since treat people and my body differently my reactions to things have changed. I know casual sex is not what I want to i feel that by having it I couldn't climax because my mind wouldn't make the connection. But it could have just been him.

Thanks again,

AskASexTherapist to Me:

And there it is.

You've been doing a lot of work to give yourself your best and when you experience something that doesn't measure up to your new standards, it's not fulfilling. True, he could've been a bad lay, but you've also been filling your mind, body, and spirit with the best you can provide. On some level, it could be that your body and spirit have a taste for something other than what was offered

SO I sat horny as a teenage boy with this information. As bad as I want to I won’t have sex. Unless there is a true connection, a mental and physical connection I’m good.. Any man can play with your body but I want mind sex. The kind that makes you want to nurture that person. Find his likes and dislikes and help further his dreams. The type of loving that can do more with just words than the hands ever could. I’m not say in giving up on the physical. Hell NOO! I love it, it is need but until I can have both my Virginia will be on ice.

Are any of the stories in Confessions of a faithful woman true?

11:00 PM - 8 Oct 13 Reader  posted:
"I'm almost finished with @SimplyMilele 's book #coafw (Confessions of a faithful woman)   Which leads me to want to know are some of these stories true?" 

I have been asked this numerous times in numerous ways.  I started to blog about it on several occasions since I published the book in June of 2012 BUT decided not to each time.  This time however I decided to tackle the question as best I can.  I usually give a “non answer” because the answer is not as simple as yes or no.  Every truth has some fiction whether it is the perspective, interpretation, intent or the omission of other truths.  Likewise all fiction begins with some form of truth that is stretched, flavored, and colored in a manner to create an alternate reality.  As we grow and change what was “true/real” for us at one point becomes unfathomable at other points and things that were unfathomable become absolutely true/real. Each story, character, setting, scenario and experience in the book has come from something, someone, and somewhere I have directly or indirectly come across.  All the historical information about culture, holidays, places and events are true and for informational purposes.  All locations, businesses, books and artists mentioned throughout the book are real from either the pass, present or future (in the works).  All issues and hurdles the characters encounters are 100% real to me in some shape or form.  In writing this book I wanted to make it as “real” as possible so I poured as much of myself and those close to me in it as I could.  Interestingly enough some of the stories that seem the most far fetched are some of the ones where less imagination was needed.  Writing the book was a journey of self discovery for me and took place over the course of several years.  Some of the stories were over a decade old by the time I published the book. It was all in life I had experienced 1^st, 2^nd or 3^rd hand of sex, love, relationships, life, initiation and the world at those points in time. When I decided to write a book (before then I was just writing what came to me randomly) I began to seek experiences from others of things that would be good to have in this type of book.  Many from many different places and times shared with me their perspectives. I intended to write in a way that allowed the reader to grow and reflect each time they read a story.  There are hidden things in the book that will only be noticed or understood if you have a certain perspective.  I have had readers tell me time and time again that they saw themselves in the stories and connected with the characters on a very deep and personal level.  I have had those who shared with me thank me for telling their “truth” in a way that others could relate to while keeping the integrity of what they wanted conveyed. EVERY reader so far has been able to see a reflection of themselves in at least one of the stories or poems.  I am able to see myself and those closest to me at different stages in life when I reread the stories. One of the most profound discoveries in writing and sharing the “Confessions…” series for me has been how truly uncomfortable MOST adults in this society are about OPENLY sharing their experiences, likes, preferences and views on sexuality and spirituality and how many want to be able to share all of themselves with the world.

My writing is to help open the door and set the stage for adults to have a healthy holistic sexual and spiritual life in a place and time where it isn’t taught, nurtured, supported or promoted, to restore our culture (Afrikan culture) to its traditional greatness and to challenge perspectives of homosexuality, monogamy, capitalism, oppression and what is "normal and natural"

So the answer would be definitely yes AND categorically no. 
I challenge EVERYONE to read, reread or rererereread the book as they change and experience new things in life and ask themselves:
“Which of the stories are true for me?”

Graduation

Graduation is the story of a blooming relationship between a mature woman and a maturing young man who happens into her bookstore.  As she helps him transition from college to career he helps her transition from behind the counter to between the sheets.

Below I answer questions for readers
****I did not mention names for a reason.  If you haven’t read it yet check it out.  If you have read it read it again with this new information.

1. I feel the Bookstore is a main character in the story, is that true?
Yes it is, I grew up in a book store.  I met many people and learned many things there.  Bookstores are like train/bus station or airports to me.  People are coming there to find new destinations; their modes of transportation are the books.  Reading is cheapest, most exciting and convenient way of traveling.
 

2. Why did you list the books he purchased in the story?

My hope was that people would relate to them if they had read them and read them if they had not.  I try to offer the readers ways to continue the story long after they have read it.  When you know what’s in those books you get a better understanding of the character and what they were thinking or doing.  You also can get more tangible perspectives on the deeper elements of sexuality.  I also want to promote an Afrikan perspective to people so that we will not feel that we have to squeeze ourselves into boxes or modes of operating that don’t fit.  As we study other cultures we can find new things that work better for us.

3. Do you feel these books are essential for Black spirituality and sexuality?

Absolutely!!!! Unfortunately we are not taught the traditional practices and teaching around sexuality and spirituality.  This can cause us to seek fulfillment in things that will never be able to satiate us without the more intimate connections and holistic approaches.  I have read all of them more than once in my adolescence and again as I matured.  Each time I read them I have gained a deeper understanding. That’s the things with books that are well written they offer you a new journey each time.  It is like “sight seeing” when you travel, you only really notice what you are looking for at the moment. My hope is after reading these or considering things the reader will find something new in these stories as well.

4. I love how in Graduation you created a positive young Black man with this character. Do you feel that we are lacking characters like him in today’s books?

I am surrounded by positive black men, young and old.  I have been all of my life.  The majority of black men are doing good things.  They are often over shadowed by negative media representations.  I write from my truth so this character was a reflection of the men I have met, grown up with, been in relationships and come across in some form in my lifetime.  Yes I think we are lacking characters like him in books but not in reality.  It is my responsibility to highlight those black men who are often overlooked but who represent the majority of black men.
 

5. Will we see more of these characters in the future? I would love to see what the future hold for them.

Only time will tell J  But if there is a large demand for them I will definitely work to meet that demand.  There are so many wonderful stories about black love to tell it is very likely it can be continued.
 

At the end of the chapter, what language was she speaking and what did she say?

She is speaking an ancient pre Kemetic language that causes the “Atum” to awaken within him.  It is a practice sparking the energy of something to activate it. They are more intonation that “words” as we think of today.  It is the vibration of them that makes them work.   She is basically saying “get hard/arise”
 

Do you look at the woman as being a “cougar”?

That’s funny, and no.  You have to look at the perspective of things.  This is not a woman who sought him out or even initiated the relationship.  She was literally minding her own business when the young man graced her door step.  He obliviously had been attracted to her for years, where as, she was not interested in him initially.  His growth over the years and even his willingness to learn and grow past his comfort zone caused her to notice him.  She is a responsible woman like most of us are and would only take him as far as he needed to go. 
 

What was here relationship with the old man?  Was he only mentoring the young man to get next to her?

They had known and worked with each other for many years.  The had mutual love and respect for one another.  He had pursued her for years but she was not interested because he was known around turn for being with multiple women.  He was also very wealthy and active in the community so everyone paid attention to what he was doing, she prefers discretion. Although it may have helped the young man get him foot in the door, the older man genuinely is trying to help him and teach him the ropes.

 

 

 

"UIB interviews author, Milele, about "Confessions of a Faithful Woman."

Please take a moment (bout 30 min) to listen to the open interview about love, sex, relationships, spirit, oppression and so much more. As I prepare the second book in the "Confessions..." series I would like for you to get to know me better.

Feel free to leave your comments or questions or opinion I LOVE hearing from each of you.

As always I appreciate everyone who takes their time out.

Share with me...

 

 

Get your FREE copy of "Confessions of a faithful woman"

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Confessions of a Faithful Woman

by Milele

Giveaway ends July 31, 2013.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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I LOVE MY READERS!!!!!! One year strong!!!!!!!!!

It has been a year since “Confessions of a faithful woman” was published!  Over the course of this year many readers and supporters have shared their thoughts, views, reviews, critiques and understandings with me.   I am forever grateful for and humbled by every exchange.  Not only have you all embraced the book and the meaning behind it.  You all have allowed me in on your intimate thoughts and experiences.  I appreciate that more than words could ever express.  This post is dedicated to the readers and supporters.  I truly love, honor and respect each of you.  Those who are anonymous choose to be so because of circumstances not because they are ashamed of their thoughts or views.  Once again Asante sana. Nakupenda!!! (Thank you very much. I love you)

*Disclaimer I love the author of this book so I will attempt to be objective.*

“Confessions of A Faithful Woman” or COAFW for short is an excellent book filled with poems and short stories about life, spirituality, sensuality and love. After a series of tweets with my sisstar De I learned about COAFW. I became friends with Milele and purchased the book. After a night filled with dancing, I popped the book open to read a couple of pages but much to my surprise I was hooked and the book was stuck to my face the next morning. I was in trance by the stories and the writing in this book. I am a lover of love and well written love stories and COAFW is filled with just that. Each story is able to reach all readers young and old, in love and seeking love and understanding. Best of all it is told from an Afrikan perspective. Stories like “Graduation” and “Newness” explore new and uncharted love. “Home” shows the power of honestly in relationships and rekindling past love. “Twins”, “Twwins” and “Twwwins” shows love and connecting spiritually with an individual from a science fiction perspective; which I found enlightening and intriguing. Many more stories make the pages that take you on the journey into the wonderful world of “Confessions of A Faithful Woman”. Happily this book is the first of a growing series that will evolve to encompass other elements of love live and relationships. I recommend this book to everyone. If you don't love all of the stories hopefully one of them will speak to your spirit.
~ Kita

OMG!!!!!!!!! Sis I love Confessions. I had no idea I would be cummin while reading this book. I mean dayum you got that erotic shit down pat. I think I was touching myself by page 43 but resisting the urge the whole time. KUDOS SIS!!!!!! Please feel free to share my review if you want. I don't think I have been that wet without a mate in the room in a very long time. Good damned job!!!!!!!

Anonymous

I wrestled with this one for a bit. Mostly because this is the first time I’ve seen sexuality explored freely through without being polarized into a “pornographic” or “mundane” experience. Milele’s triumph is that through her storytelling, she’s normalized the experience of divine sexuality. For those who may study Taoist alchemy, Tantra, or other traditions that recognizes the divinity in our sexual evolution and experience. We usually have to retreat to erotic poetry and art to explore these ideas in a context that goes beyond the instructional literature. There are many classics among Asian culture, but they can be hard to find and often many of the cultural references don’t translate well. The fact is who’ve embraced this lifestyle still live in the same reality and experience the same challenges that others who whether by habit or intent, treat sex as a recreational or limit it to procreation. We experience the same highs and lows that social, let alone sexual interaction inspire.
The stories are thrilling and challenge established cultural mores and limitations. Industrious minds will be inspired with new ideas and perspectives. Some will have their worlds rocked just to learn that their way isn’t the “ONLY way” to love somebody. Let alone love yourself! I for one can’t wait for the next chapter!

~Montague

Hey, hope your having an awesome day.. Your book was extremely sexual and it really turned on my bisexual side of me. It helps me to be comfortable in my 3 sums and LET GO instead of being controlling.. I love men but women definetly brings my sensual side. I admit I was so turned on that I never use my vibrator but I pulled it out a couple times to release.. Just that turned on kudos!! ~Anonymous

Your book is so perfect because it ties all planes together in a subject that most people do not even recognize they exist.  It truly is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. I cannot wait for you to share more of your work. Your work intrigues me even more...about you. I can tell you are a very in tune, wise, pure, genuine woman & I just want to be around.  I have grown from reading your book. Thank you for that beloved. You inspire me, affirm my path and call me higher! ... It is truly something to connect with a woman who has been on her spiritual path for so long because I am the only one in my family or circle who is like that. You guide me from your depth of experience.  :) You have helped guide me so I can do just that; that is why I am so appreciative of you!!! Truly.

PenofPassion

AT LONG LAST!!!! I finally finished the book Had to put it down for a minute due to a deadline for some academic writing and to go on a family vacation....so sorry for the delay. Finished it on the plane cross country and I caught the dude in the middle seat peaking over to read it, so I gave it to him and he read th...e first part (hopefully he became hooked and will also purchase it). Feedback: Bravo, for real. It is beyond refreshing to experience the open expression of intimacy and arousal from a woman. Risky business, as u know, because we are so often judged negativity for liking sex, and....*gasp*....actually speaking honestly about it. This type of work paves the way for all of us, to experience freedom of sexual expression in its many forms. Then you went and included culturally-based themes and ideologies as well....you are GOOD, Milele!!! Honestly I have "non-traditional" views regarding monogamy, and when I talk about this, sometimes I feel people judging me...especially men. It's as if i am regarded as "one of those chicks who sleeps around", which is so far from the truth. “Confessions” addresses this reality, and others that are used to box people into social categories, and I am really diggin that! ~Anonymous

Good afternoon my beautiful sistar!
So over the weekend I was doing a bit of cleaning and I had down time on my hands so I told myself I would finally sit and start reading your book, Confessions. I had previously thumbed threw the book and looked at stories that Kita referenced but I had not read it for myself. So Sunday I poured a glass of wine...opened by windows...put on my favorite undies and sat and read your book. Can I just say Zane who? I've always loved reading books by Zane but you are my new Zane! You are better than she is when it comes to touching my mental and making me think. I am already half way through this book and I just started! The exciting thing about your book is that I can relate to it. The stories are similar to situations that I have encountered thus far in my life. I am a very sensual person and I always use to think that I was just too freaky...reading this books shows me that I'm just fine. Nothing is wrong with me and how I feel about sex and my body. I LOVE THIS BOOK AND I AM EXCITED FOR THE SECOND BOOK ALREADY! I'm so mad at myself that I just had this book sitting and had not given it the proper attention. I guess it was time for me to read it. I have been reading self help books for work and personal goals...and now it's time for me to read some self help for my sexual life. I love this book and I'm going to push for others to get this...it's amazing! I'm so happy to know you the beautiful woman that wrote this book. It felt good yesterday saying I'm reading my friend's book and she's an amazing author. My book even has highlighted pages already! There are some things I plan to try! Love this book and thank you for writing and sharing it with us all. <3 you
Freeberry

"I liked it; way different from anything I have ever read. Re-reading it. Eye opener."

~Anonymous

 "This book, this work is an important read. Our culture seeks to dis-connect us from our OWN divinity. " Confessions of a faithful Woman" , attempts to restore that connection, and to bring All humanbeings to a personal TRUTH! Please read" Dhati M. Kennedy

I went to Milele's book release yesterday and it was super cool... So the book is all types of steamy more than steamy but her aim was to bring together sexuality and spirituality... although i haven't read the whole book, well, hell, i'm though half of it in one day...and there are threesomes and swinging scenes and all types of fun stuff thrown in there to keep you interested...although I haven't read 50 shades of gray, i'm sure it's better."

-DeAndrea Blaylock, MSW Washington University, Christian Sex Therapist

 

Soul charged my spirit
Rejuvenated an old young being
Allowed me to see that
My experiences
Are my livelihoods ignition
Her
Love is
The purest
Nutrient replenishing
Nourishing
The crazed stage of womanhood
Her
Love is
What we've been missing
Milele
We'll have
Love
Most Genuine
Ever meet someone and feel that they were truly genuine, knew that they understood you! That connection that allowed you to be the truest you! I can't recall exactly how I begin to follow her when I initially joined twitter in 2009, but I will say 3 years and about 4 accounts later I've always made my way back to Milele!! Yea yea sounds a little groupie-ish, but coming from such a negatively dark spot in my life, her light was was an inspiration that I couldn't allow to leave my sphere! All of us tweet-birds know that our timelines become like an extended family, and Milele made me feel like a part of her family as she reached out to me during an extremely dark place in my life. I had just had a daughter from a man I barely knew, who happened to be sexually, mentally and physically abusive during my pregnancy; barely over that I entered a new relationship with a man that I'd fallen deeply for only to find out a year later that he was MARRIED. I lost weight (which at 5'3" 115 I couldn't afford to lose), I'm pretty sure that she felt my energy, sensed I needed some nurturing and made me feel beautiful, assured me that what I was going through didn't have to be the death of me!! Once I found out that she wrote, it was like the light got even brighter. So I was anticipating the release of her book, and then it happened, her genuinely positive demeanor was confirmed reality, as I felt every word of Confessions...of a Faithful Woman! Each story peered into a corner me!! From the deepest valley in me I Thank You Milele for giving pieces of you, and with pieces of you I have found peace in me!!
~Headwrappedra

 

This book is amazing because it causes you to change the way you see things. LOVE IT! Awesome read. Looking forward to the next edition in this series!

Ayesha

At a time when fluff and base porno-babble seem to dominate the world of romance/erotic writing, there has come a book of sensational detail and finesse, written from a Black perspective.

Confessions of a Faithful Woman is a celebration and collaboration of divine harmony and message, written by the talented and awe inspiring, Milele, who uses verbal imagery to exact erotic delight.… Confessions… is structured in a very loose, but concise way. Her poem “Blending” is written in the same spirit and style of many poems and stories of the Black Arts Movement of the 70′s. In one line from the poem, “As they came together their juices caused the sky to rain…” Milele creatively places the letters of the word “rain” in a way to simulate rainfall right there on the page. Through the compilation, she blurs the lines of interpersonal, social and even literary “taboo,” and flings monotony, normalcy (as if there were such a thing) frigidity and prudishness to a gusting, yet discerning wind.
In the traditional African perspective, people are not defined by how they have their sex or with whom. Nodding to Sobunfo Some’s, Spirit of Intimacy, Milele’s stories and poems are not fettered, limited or restricted by any religious points of view.
The book is very easy to read containing many fictional, yet relatable scenarios. Milele even explores the creativity fantastic with “Twins.” Milele weaves dialogue that is frank and honest, but far beyond the conversations in your dime a dozen standard vernacular “urban” novels. This collection is not for children, the faint-of-heart or the easily-offended. It contains graphic word-play and smart innuendo….
B. Rustin Mound City NorthStar

Reading Confessions... of a faithful woman was like setting off on a journey of intense sensuality. Though fictional, the characters felt real - they're funny, sad, loving, confused, hurt, joyful, peaceful, searching, feisty and full of truth and depth. It was as if they could be everyday people that I know, me even. Each story and poem captured my imagination and opened my mind and spirit to new ideas and the true depth of intimacy and sharing. More than 200, almost 300 pages that pratically turned themselves as I read and was consumed by the freedom, pleasure and passion on each. Milele's Confessions... does not stop with the physicality of our connections, but goes deeper and explores the spirituality of our intimacy. AND this is only the first in a SERIES! Milele is off to a very good start, as I anxiously await more.
Trust me, this is a book you want to read, and with an open mind you may discover something new about yourself. I did
~DFY

"Blending" challenging the complexities of gender and sexuality

Blending

As he stood watching the sunset the sky turned
                       purple               then                  green                 then red.
                                     When it turned blue
he felt him approaching and his spirit aroused.
He appeared behind him and wrapped his energy about his waist. “My
love, at this crossing we shall blend.” They search each other for the
light and began to manifest physically. Tongues licked nipples, hands
rubbed bodies, lips felt moisture and tekkens entered door ways.
The two transformed:
man/man, woman/woman, woman/man, man/woman one
“We experience each other thru sound,”
                          led
                               to
                                   screams and moans
of wholeness.
As they came together their juices caused the skies to
                                                                      R
                                                                               A
                                                                                             I
                                                                                                    N

I chose this to go first in "Confessions of a faithful woman" to challenge the complexities of gender and sexuality in a very unambiguous and amusing manner.  In this post as it relates to “Blending”, I wanted to speak about “homosexuality,” but first let me say this:
YOU CAN NOT BE “CONSCIOUS” OR “AFRIKAN” OR “AFRIKAN CONSCIOUS” AND BE AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY!!!!!!!!!!
This is not debatable. 
*****Note for this post***** I think in numbers, rhythms and equations, so you will have to do the math yourself *laughing hysterically internally*
Homosexuality is as natural as heterosexuality and exists in more than just human beings.  It has only been since religion was created and manipulated to control humanity that same-sex relationships have become a topic of discontent. You must understand the poli-tricks behind the “anti-homo” (gender-suppression) movement.
First, let’s start with the basics. In order to even consider the notion of “homo- vs. hetero-” as separate expressions of sexuality (which they are not), you have to buy into the domineering status quo notion of the sexes and accept the fallacy that there are only two (2) genders.
For centuries, ALL advanced cultures have recognized that there exist more than just man and woman, male and female.  Hermaphroditism is one of the most commonly accepted and acknowledged forms of “advanced gender” (as I like to call it). These are beings with both sets of reproductive organs; this IS NOT a genetic mutation but a natural condition.
But let’s get further into these complexities so we can forever be done with these nomenclatures.  We are physical and spiritual and masculine and feminine; without this specific combination, we are not human. What determines our unique gender expression is the degrees to which we are complementarily masculine or feminine. We could be:
*A woman with a dominance of masculine energy
*A woman with a dominance of feminine energy
*A woman with equal masculine and feminine energy
*A man with a dominance of masculine energy
*A man with a dominance of feminine energy
*A man with equal masculine and feminine energy
*A Blend (hermaphrodite, twin soul, gate keeper) with a dominance of masculine energy
*A Blend (hermaphrodite, twin soul, gate keeper) with a dominance of feminine energy
*A Blend (hermaphrodite, twin soul, gate keeper) with equal masculine and feminine energy
ETC… ETC…  ETC…

This doesn’t even begin to touch on how each of those physical and spiritual balance variances. For example, you can be a woman with 50.00000001% to 99.99999% feminine energy and 49.999999999% to .0000000001% masculine energy. But, if we limit gender to just “man” and “woman” we have disempowered, de-legitimized and discredited every other gender, AND simultaneously limited the expression of man and woman. With this in mind, we are ALL “straight,” “gay,” “bi-” and so forth.

Our spirit animates our bodies, so limiting our “sexual preference” to simply physical attributes denies the divinity of it.
Secondly, let us go deeper and look at the de-evolution of man and woman as sentient, sexual, fully- initiated beings.  There has been a multi-century campaign to suppress human evolution by dumbing down rites of passage or initiations. Only an Afrikan man can initiate an Afrikan boy into Afrikan manhood and only an Afrikan woman can initiate an Afrikan girl into Afrikan womanhood; this goes for Afrikan blends and sacred sexuality rites.
In many ancient customs (which I always refer to because they existed, flourished and evolved before mass oppression spread across the globe), the elders taught the youth about sex and used the sacred sex rituals (men with men, women with women, blends with blends and other varied combinations) based upon the needs of the person, people, society and universe.  In order to have been considered an adult in those societies, you had to go through and successfully complete the rites of that society. Without the understandings achieved in these initiations, we very rarely reach our full capacity.
Thirdly, sex and sexuality have been pressed into merely corporal acts, and as such, disconnect us from our higher capabilities, abilities and capacities. Sex is the quickest, easiest and most fulfilling way to “tap into” The Creator.  As we reach orgasm, we achieve a higher and broader state of consciousness (that’s part of the reason so many people enjoy cumming). With the proper knowledge and application, we can transfer that energy into anything we desire and can use it for creation, procreation, healing, expansion and enlightenment just for starters.
Fourth, the love that naturally permeates in any civilized society has been restrained and systematically extracted.  The “survival of the fittest” mentality that this society promotes pits people against each other instead of encouraging collectivity, mutual respect and genuine concern for ALL people.  We have to wrap our minds around the notion of loving all people because of our differences, not in spite of our differences. Our differences are an important part of who we are, and appreciating those differences is an true expression of love and understanding of the Creator. The Creator is vast and infinite, and has chosen to manifest itself in all those beautiful variations of people (and things) we see.  If we understand this basic principle, we can better understand, accept and enjoy ourselves and each other (no matter how different, odd, extraordinary or uncommon anyone else may seem) as intended.
Fifth- Man, NOT God (The Creator, Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah…) made sexuality gender-specific, ß that speaks for itself. However, I will say that we can be attracted to and aroused by all genders if we are tuned in enough to feel them; how we choose to act on it is up to us. But denial of this fact is subhuman. 
I could go on and on and on and on and on…. But let me nutshell it for you.

Sexuality is a divine physical expression of the great attraction, love and desire to be whole, complete and satiated that exists in the universe.  This great force is both genderless and encompassing of ALL genders.  We as humans are unique expressions of this force and are attracted to each other according to our vibes. Both homo and hetero sexuality are misnomers when understanding humanity in its entirety. IF you understand how the Creator works you will know that when one aspect of it is suppressed beyond repair it recreates it in multiplicity which is why there is a “rise of homosexuality”.  Being conscious means you are aware and accepting of the inner workers of the universe including everyone and everything’s role in it. Oppression based on gender or sexual expression among humans aint Afrikan. (Notice the PERIOD)

 
This may seem a little far fetched, but I challenge you to do more research and to expand your mind just a bit to accept one or more of these possibilities.  Check out: The Spirit of Intimacy; Facing Mt. Kenya; Egyptian Yoga; Three Magik words; or anything along this line and Re-re-re- read “Blending” with a new understanding.

The brothers of "Twins" from Confessions of a faithful woman.

Twins
He looked around frightened, briefly unaware of his surroundings. He then looked up at the statuesque pair of beautiful creatures and began to remember. He closed his eyes and his mind began to replay the events. As his body relived every sensuous moment, it contorted violently with the rushing waves of vibrations. He licked his lips and could still taste the tang of their juices. He could feel the contractions in his groin as he remembered how they took turns experiencing the flicking of his tongue and the hardness of his manhood simultaneously. . He felt the lightening in his body a mix of intoxicating and painful pleasure, their nails tore through his skin over and over again….his wrist, his legs, his chest….his….
He opened his eyes, which summoned them to take him again. He would discover the sweet pleasure of pain.

Twwins(There was a misprint in the “table of contents”

The beast was growing tired of the banter. He swooped her up and flung her hard over his shoulder. She let out a grumble as her ribs hit against his muscles. He was strong. He could tell she was not the same. She moaned as he moved through the trees. Something inside beckoned him to comfort her. He stopped near the tallest tree and laid her down. “I cannot take you home like this, allow me to heal you.” His deep powerful voice sent vibrations through her body. She had no strength to argue so she agreed. Like she had once gathered materials for her sister, he now gathered them for her. He drained, mixed and nursed her back. His tail was larger than any other. “Why do you help?” She asked “For your sister, her love, her heart.” These words gave her comfort; and at the same time they broke her heart.

Twwwins

“Brother what have they done to you, no matter, we can fix it.” The halfling barely recognized his twin; “they have
tortured me, drained me, killed me and given me new life. I am no longer you.” He stood to reveal his new self. Part man part not. He was covered in fur, had canine teeth, claws instead of nails and blood red eyes. He thought his brother would be repulsed by his outer shell instead his brother showed compassion. “Since you cannot go back I will stay here with you. I will return home and say my goodbyes so no one will come looking for us.” The creature protested. “I have nothing back home brother; they have taken everything from me.”
You still have a wife to care for. She needs you, I do not.” Said the creature. The words did not even feel right coming from his lips.
“I have made my decision.” With that the brother left trekking down the rock face trying to find his way home.  The sisters appeared. The youngest furious with the thought of sharing her sister again began to give chase. Her sister called to her “what if it were we love, above and beyond if he has companion we can spend more time like we were.” The younger left. She followed him closely giving him clues and silently helping him until he was in a familiar place. She then waited one week feeding upon small animals until his return. She stopped him is his path. “Why do you not just receive him home amid you? You all are not complete to endure with us. We will assist you with returning him home.” “They will never accept him.” He injected.
“We will never accept you.” She hissed
“Yes, but you are not vile like those where I come from; humans can be very destructive and raw. They will kill him for sure.” He pleaded.
“We will kill you also.” Ba assured him “I would rather die with you than live without him.”

As I mentioned in the first post about “Twins” which explored Sa and Ba more:

“This is one of the few stories which will be in each book of the series because there is so much to share about each of the characters…“Twins” is what happens after the younger brother was subdued by her (them).   When I began writing this story it was from the perspective of the man whom they had captured (There is an entire back story as to how he ended up in their cave which will be in the next book); it was his experience first discovering her which turned out to be them. As I wrote from his perspective I began to understand “The twins” more. I had to immerse myself in their perspective in order to explain what it was like for him.”

As I wrote this story I let it take me where it wanted to go.  As Sa and Ba began to separate there was a need to expand on how much of a “rare type” this brother actually was. In addressing the Male twins I sought out questions from readers and this post will respond to those questions

What are the brother’s names?

Their names have not yet been revealed because they are becoming.  What I mean is that they are in transition from who they were in human form to who they are becoming in their new form.  As they transition their former names don’t fully fit them and they have not claimed their new names.  By Afrikan perspective (and yes I will always go back to this) you name describes who you are, your work in life and attributes about you.  Those things are in flux for the brothers at the time of these stories.

Why did you make them twins?

In many societies twins are worshipped and honored.  Since twins are considered to be 1 soul that is too big for just 1 body; they are often considered a blessing and a sign of good fortune.  In addition twins are psychically connected, often have their own language and operate with a connection and unity that many can not understand.  With all that in mind for this story embodying the depth and strength of character as well as their differentiations it was natural that they be twins or soul sharers (as I like to call them).  Their twinning also represents the phases of their evolution.

Do you feel that it was important to show that the male twins had the same emotional connection as the sisters?

No, not necessarily. For all of them the connection was within their spirit not their emotions.  Their spiritual connections caused emotional reactions but it was a celestial connection that welded them together.  The brothers bond was slightly different because the brothers started out as human and spent some time apart while one had been transformed and the other remained human.  The brothers had an existence, before they came across the sisters, which was terrestrial as well as celestial. The “older” brother coming to look for his twin had more to do with his draw to the younger sister than for his brother which is why he does not appear until the 3^rd story.
 

Do you feel that the twins show the struggle that most people have with personal views and societal judgment?

In later stories they will. In this set of stories they don’t. As of now they lived in a time that did not have all the limited views of today.  The more ancient spiritual, cultural and sexual practices were still very prevalent.
 

At different points it seems as if there is something more between the younger sister and the first brother although they are at odds, is that the case?

If you remember it was the younger that initially shopped her sister from killing him and nursed him back to health.  He is the catalyst for her change as well as the foreshadowing of her relationship with his brother. Because Sa and Ba are 1 the younger loves him as much as her counterpart and he is connected to her because of his connection to her counterpart.  As you will see in his writings to his brother he describes her with such beauty, love and grace.  He in enamored by her.

Will their life be explored in more detail latter?

Yes.  In the next book the back story of the brothers will be told as well as the story of the 4 of them meeting in modern times.  The brothers were human and lived as such for many years before coming across Sa and Ba.

 

 

 

Twins, Twwins, Twwwins from Confessions....of a faithful woman

Twins
In the depth of her cave he was confined, tied to the floor. He was screaming for help until he could hear her footsteps. A deathly fear took over his body as she approached. Another set of footsteps? He was puzzled. She was not alone. The sisters slowly approached. “Uumm” Growling, “He is sweet.” The younger said: “Yes, he is unique.” Was he seeing double; it could not possibly be two vicious-beautiful creatures. Their tails moved in a serpentine fashion. “Shall we, Sister?” “We SHALL,” the interchange was civil but savage. Slowly they got down on all fours and let their animal nature assume control, bounding towards him and pouncing upon him….

Twwins (There was a misprint in the “table of contents”

…The younger left and returned instantly with herbs and animals. She drained the blood from the animals and combined it with the herbs. She nursed her sister, neglecting her own wounds. She too had sustained considerable damage. He watched intently learning all he could and fed upon the remains. After seven full days of prayers and rituals the eldest was almost healed. Not wanting to trouble her sister she fled to the woods and tried to nurse herself back to health…

Twwwins

She looked at him expressionless. “An eternal life sharing our sister is a cruel torture that plagues us.”
“You always speak in plural, why?”
“We exist together so there is no “one””
“Are you all twins?”
 “We are one.”
“How did you all come into being, were you born together?”
“Born? We existed simultaneously.”
“Yes, but how.”
“There was a desire from the universe to bring balance to make things straight. To finish the old and convey the new.”
“You can have a child?”
“We can reproduce yes, by blood, energy or bring forth life from our body. Where there were two there are now three.”
The conversation ended there….

This is one of the few stories which will be in each book of the series because there is so much to share about each of the characters.  With the title of the stories I didn’t want to change the name or use “part 1, 2, 3...” I wanted to keep the flow and continuity of the story.  However since each part of the story was a very distinct and significant aspect of the evolution of their relationships I chose to separate them. “Twins” is what happens after the younger brother was subdued by her (them).  Exploring The Twins is going to take more than one post but let’s start with the “sisters”: Sa and Ba…

When I began writing this story it was from the perspective of the man whom they had captured (There is an entire back story as to how he ended up in their cave which will be in the next book); it was his experience first discovering her which turned out to be them. As I wrote from his perspective I began to understand “The twins” more.  I had to immerse myself in their perspective in order to explain what it was like for him.  In doing that I conjured them up (pun intended) and was able to tap into more about them causing them to come to life on the pages.

Sa and Ba are immortal like all spirits yet they have existed for centuries in this particular physical shape-shifting form.  They are so intricately connected that they feel through each other.

The stories show the evolution of the “sisters” from being essentially one to becoming more individualistic and unique.  These stories are written from the perspective of the “younger sister” and are more a fish bowl view of the “older sister”.  The “older sister” is only mentioned as she relates to the “younger”. “Older and younger” are relative because they are actually the same soul, energy, being and entity in separate bodies.  Their names are also used interchangeably in the book based on their dispositions at the time.  Sa and Ba; like Sekmet are huntresses, sirens, mystical, magical, feminine, fierce, passionate, hungry, ancient, they are where the concept of vampirism comes from yet like Sekmet they are driven by justice and The will of The Creator.  They are singular and plural, lovers, sisters, friends and partners. They are exactly the same and completely different. They are the contradictions and harmony that exist in each of us. They go from being more primal and raw (darkness) to slowly becoming more “humanized” (light).

Sa and Ba share one soul; without one the other is incomplete.  Since they share a soul they are both connected and disconnected in that they share all aspects and no aspects.  Because they are “sharing” there are times when they conflict and times they compromise.  The younger that is only “the younger” because she is the one learning to accept something new and resisting the natural evolution of herself and her “soul sharer” © ß I like that!!! (That may be the title in the next book). The older one on the other hand is “the older” because she is letting the process happen more fluidly and adapting to the changes with grace, love and understanding.  As all things must evolve and adapt to survive so too must they.  Accepting, creating, bringing others into their sphere was an inevitable part of their existence.  For centuries they had only know love through and for each other so bringing man into the equations was a tremulous course as reflected in the younger yet it was natural and necessary as reflected by the older.  This is the process each of us goes through as we reach our higher evolutions… resistance and acceptance. 

Sa and Ba discover their reflections in the brothers and they expand themselves to include their masculine compliments. You must remember it was the younger of the two that initially stopped the brother from being killed and nursed him back to health that showed her acceptance of the change even before her older sister.  The twins are not only physical beings but they are concepts that exist in The Universe and as such their transformation signals a change in the Universe as well.   In future books they will have to rediscover who they were originally and learn how to manifest who they were before in their new surroundings (same for the brothers).

"HOME" from Confessions...of a faithful woman

Home was the first piece I consciously wrote for the “Confessions...”  (This did not have a name at the time) back in 2008 I say consciously because before then I was writing what came to me without thinking of creating a book.  It was called “Saying Goodbye” and was a short conversation between the dada (sister) and Hodari; the main characters in “Home”.  She and Hodari had been best friends for years and he was married to another woman.  Throughout their relationship they were intimate on and off.  She respected his wife however the wife did not know about their physical intimacy.  She was not sleeping with any other men he fulfilled all she desired in that department.  They had been close friends most of their lives and although they were not “married” by societal standards their bond was greater than most others they had.  He loved his wife and wanted that lifestyle with her (his wife) and the main character respected and cared for him, his wife and their marriage. 
*****Please note that not everyone views marriage from the same perspective it is only considered immoral or a sin by religious context for someone to be with someone “outside” of their marriage.  Many Afrikan societies have systems and practices in place that allow for such unions without any issues.  Those unions are not considered “open or polygamous” as we view it today.  Those unions were like any other and have the support of the community.  The understanding is that a “marriage” is a bond between two or more people for mutual benefit for all parties involved.  People may marry to bring villages together or to do certain work (hunting, building, etc) or because they have destinies that are aligned.  People in traditional societies rarely married for “love” because they had love throughout the society and felt love for all their people.  Imagine living in a neighborhood that you know and love every person, you all gather food together, work together, play together etc. so “falling in love” would not be viewed the same because you already know each other intimately and have love for one another.  So in this case your choosing to be with just one of the many people you love in a certain capacity was special and a cause for great celebrations.  Weddings were such a big deal because everyone did not do it.  Many spent their lives surrounded by love without being married.  The marriages were not at all like many today, in fact many times the couple did not even live together (still thinking of a village).  The couple still played whatever role in society they did before they were married.  In addition AG (age grade) brothers or sisters: the grouping that went through their initiation together were considered one person and all responsible to keep the relationship healthy.  Now don’t get me wrong everyone wasn’t screwing everyone all willy nilly however the stigma and disdain that sex is often looked at today did not exist.  Sex was a spiritual act in which men and women had to be initiated to fully understand and participate in. (For more info about traditonal views on sex, marrigae, relationship and initiation checkout“The spirit of intimacy or Facing Mount Kenya”)*****
That is the perspective of the main character (and most characters in the book).  She loved Hodari but did not desire to be his wife by common societal standards.  She was offered a job in another city but wasn’t going to take it that is until she found out she was carrying his mtoto (child).  When she found out she was pregnant by him it changed everything for her and for their relationship in her mind.  She assumed his wife would not be accepting or understanding of the child or their relationship, she also knew that he would demand that his wife be accepting of the child and to be in the child’s life.  She thought that the most righteous thing to do was to leave and never come back.  In “Saying goodbye” she merely expressed to him that she was taking the job and that she loved him.
In my going back to the story over a year later I thought to myself: where are they now, what has happened, what will happen later and so on. 
It is called “Home” because when she and Hodari are together they are at peace and fit well in addition she is retuning to a life she had before she suddenly uprooted herself.  I gave them twins because twins are considered a blessing and are held in high esteem in many cultures all over the world this adds to the notion of their strong connection. 
In creating the character of Hodari I thought of many brothers who I know.  Often we get caught in the propaganda and rhetoric of society (as designed) and lose sight of how beautiful, loving, honest, dependable and wonderful black men are.  I wanted to show the coolness and awesomeness of black men in a very subtle and natural way.  Hodari Swahili for “stable, smart, skillful and earnest” reflects the intelligence, maturity, strength, compassion and principles that most black men have.  He lives by traditional Afrikan values, he balances the dada without being hyper masculine as black men are often portrayed and he takes care of his children as many black men do.  Hodari’s role is to effortlessly embody all the aspects of black men.
The narrator doesn’t have a name because…well… I wrote as if I was her and never thought to name “myself”.  She had good intentions however she allowed her emotions not her principles to guide her.  We often know/feel what is righteous but we factor “the norm” in to our decision and end up creating schisms for ourselves. From her view she Hodari and his wife were a family however she allowed her fear of not being accepted in that capacity by his wife to cause her to behave erratically. Her spirit told her to tell him and to work it out maturely but her emotions caused her to lie (omission of the truth is a lie) to him and move away from her “Home” for years.  When she was forced to return home because The Creator always allows us more than one opportunity to correct a situation she knew she would have to finally face the truth.  Her initial hostility towards him was really her being upset with herself for handling things the way she did.  We often project on to others who we feel about ourselves. Since the Universe is always working in our favor whether we are aware or not she ended up living with him and raising the twins as a family.    

Okay now that you have the background lets get to the story J

When I was first writing the book I had planned to put receipts for the meals they had but they did not seem to flow with the stories.  I also planned to put more about the shrine but it seemed to take away from the story as well but I do want to go a little deeper into that.

In the story she speaks several times about “shrines”.  A shrine is a place designated for a certain energy or reason, it helps to focus that energy and has items in it specific to that. Shrines can be for a group of people or very specific to a person.  They can simply be for salute or they can be for deeper rituals. In this story they a family shrine which was for all of them and they had personal shrines.  Taking someone to your personal shrine in like revealing your spirit or saying a pray to them.  It is allowing them into your soul, mind and spirit.  It is or can be more intimate and meaningful than any physical act.  In addition since shrines help to focus/heighten energy personal shrines also help to align you with your true self or raw energy.  For her and Hodari going to each other shrines was a very personal and spiritual intercourse.  They were essentially praying to each other and sharing their essences.  With that in mind going to each others spirits opened them up to spirit, the Creator, each other and the universe.  For those who have had “spiritual experiences” Im sure you understand fully.  For those who have not (or don’t recognize them yet) think of it like this; there are certain things each of us do to “get in the zone” whether we are speaking of getting ready in the morning, watching our favorite show, cooking, cleaning the house or reading the bible. When we do those things it puts us totally in that mode and we “zone out”.  This is when our spirit leads us and we stop thinking of the physicality of things and become “The Master” Shoonuff… (hahhahhahaha).  When she speaks of him or them “not fully being there” this is what she is speaking of.  They are in a heightened state of being because they opened themselves to the energy of each other.  The spiritual led to the physical allowing for a “divine kiss”.  Which is to me the moment were your souls touch leaving the physical aspects behind. 

Because this book was focused on the physical (touching, kissing, licking, sucking, stroking, and so forth) I dropped the focus on the spiritual and highlighted the sex but I did leave openings for those who wanted to travel beyond the physical. 

So now that you know all of this reread the story and tell me what you missed the first time that you can see more clearly now.