"HOME" from Confessions...of a faithful woman

Home was the first piece I consciously wrote for the “Confessions...”  (This did not have a name at the time) back in 2008 I say consciously because before then I was writing what came to me without thinking of creating a book.  It was called “Saying Goodbye” and was a short conversation between the dada (sister) and Hodari; the main characters in “Home”.  She and Hodari had been best friends for years and he was married to another woman.  Throughout their relationship they were intimate on and off.  She respected his wife however the wife did not know about their physical intimacy.  She was not sleeping with any other men he fulfilled all she desired in that department.  They had been close friends most of their lives and although they were not “married” by societal standards their bond was greater than most others they had.  He loved his wife and wanted that lifestyle with her (his wife) and the main character respected and cared for him, his wife and their marriage. 
*****Please note that not everyone views marriage from the same perspective it is only considered immoral or a sin by religious context for someone to be with someone “outside” of their marriage.  Many Afrikan societies have systems and practices in place that allow for such unions without any issues.  Those unions are not considered “open or polygamous” as we view it today.  Those unions were like any other and have the support of the community.  The understanding is that a “marriage” is a bond between two or more people for mutual benefit for all parties involved.  People may marry to bring villages together or to do certain work (hunting, building, etc) or because they have destinies that are aligned.  People in traditional societies rarely married for “love” because they had love throughout the society and felt love for all their people.  Imagine living in a neighborhood that you know and love every person, you all gather food together, work together, play together etc. so “falling in love” would not be viewed the same because you already know each other intimately and have love for one another.  So in this case your choosing to be with just one of the many people you love in a certain capacity was special and a cause for great celebrations.  Weddings were such a big deal because everyone did not do it.  Many spent their lives surrounded by love without being married.  The marriages were not at all like many today, in fact many times the couple did not even live together (still thinking of a village).  The couple still played whatever role in society they did before they were married.  In addition AG (age grade) brothers or sisters: the grouping that went through their initiation together were considered one person and all responsible to keep the relationship healthy.  Now don’t get me wrong everyone wasn’t screwing everyone all willy nilly however the stigma and disdain that sex is often looked at today did not exist.  Sex was a spiritual act in which men and women had to be initiated to fully understand and participate in. (For more info about traditonal views on sex, marrigae, relationship and initiation checkout“The spirit of intimacy or Facing Mount Kenya”)*****
That is the perspective of the main character (and most characters in the book).  She loved Hodari but did not desire to be his wife by common societal standards.  She was offered a job in another city but wasn’t going to take it that is until she found out she was carrying his mtoto (child).  When she found out she was pregnant by him it changed everything for her and for their relationship in her mind.  She assumed his wife would not be accepting or understanding of the child or their relationship, she also knew that he would demand that his wife be accepting of the child and to be in the child’s life.  She thought that the most righteous thing to do was to leave and never come back.  In “Saying goodbye” she merely expressed to him that she was taking the job and that she loved him.
In my going back to the story over a year later I thought to myself: where are they now, what has happened, what will happen later and so on. 
It is called “Home” because when she and Hodari are together they are at peace and fit well in addition she is retuning to a life she had before she suddenly uprooted herself.  I gave them twins because twins are considered a blessing and are held in high esteem in many cultures all over the world this adds to the notion of their strong connection. 
In creating the character of Hodari I thought of many brothers who I know.  Often we get caught in the propaganda and rhetoric of society (as designed) and lose sight of how beautiful, loving, honest, dependable and wonderful black men are.  I wanted to show the coolness and awesomeness of black men in a very subtle and natural way.  Hodari Swahili for “stable, smart, skillful and earnest” reflects the intelligence, maturity, strength, compassion and principles that most black men have.  He lives by traditional Afrikan values, he balances the dada without being hyper masculine as black men are often portrayed and he takes care of his children as many black men do.  Hodari’s role is to effortlessly embody all the aspects of black men.
The narrator doesn’t have a name because…well… I wrote as if I was her and never thought to name “myself”.  She had good intentions however she allowed her emotions not her principles to guide her.  We often know/feel what is righteous but we factor “the norm” in to our decision and end up creating schisms for ourselves. From her view she Hodari and his wife were a family however she allowed her fear of not being accepted in that capacity by his wife to cause her to behave erratically. Her spirit told her to tell him and to work it out maturely but her emotions caused her to lie (omission of the truth is a lie) to him and move away from her “Home” for years.  When she was forced to return home because The Creator always allows us more than one opportunity to correct a situation she knew she would have to finally face the truth.  Her initial hostility towards him was really her being upset with herself for handling things the way she did.  We often project on to others who we feel about ourselves. Since the Universe is always working in our favor whether we are aware or not she ended up living with him and raising the twins as a family.    

Okay now that you have the background lets get to the story J

When I was first writing the book I had planned to put receipts for the meals they had but they did not seem to flow with the stories.  I also planned to put more about the shrine but it seemed to take away from the story as well but I do want to go a little deeper into that.

In the story she speaks several times about “shrines”.  A shrine is a place designated for a certain energy or reason, it helps to focus that energy and has items in it specific to that. Shrines can be for a group of people or very specific to a person.  They can simply be for salute or they can be for deeper rituals. In this story they a family shrine which was for all of them and they had personal shrines.  Taking someone to your personal shrine in like revealing your spirit or saying a pray to them.  It is allowing them into your soul, mind and spirit.  It is or can be more intimate and meaningful than any physical act.  In addition since shrines help to focus/heighten energy personal shrines also help to align you with your true self or raw energy.  For her and Hodari going to each other shrines was a very personal and spiritual intercourse.  They were essentially praying to each other and sharing their essences.  With that in mind going to each others spirits opened them up to spirit, the Creator, each other and the universe.  For those who have had “spiritual experiences” Im sure you understand fully.  For those who have not (or don’t recognize them yet) think of it like this; there are certain things each of us do to “get in the zone” whether we are speaking of getting ready in the morning, watching our favorite show, cooking, cleaning the house or reading the bible. When we do those things it puts us totally in that mode and we “zone out”.  This is when our spirit leads us and we stop thinking of the physicality of things and become “The Master” Shoonuff… (hahhahhahaha).  When she speaks of him or them “not fully being there” this is what she is speaking of.  They are in a heightened state of being because they opened themselves to the energy of each other.  The spiritual led to the physical allowing for a “divine kiss”.  Which is to me the moment were your souls touch leaving the physical aspects behind. 

Because this book was focused on the physical (touching, kissing, licking, sucking, stroking, and so forth) I dropped the focus on the spiritual and highlighted the sex but I did leave openings for those who wanted to travel beyond the physical. 

So now that you know all of this reread the story and tell me what you missed the first time that you can see more clearly now.